a couple of thoughts

I guess life is kind of this severe duality. In recent weeks I have seen myself grow in opposite directions. I've become more comfortable with some sins on one hand and I've become more comfortable with some aspects of loving god and people on the other. I wonder if it is possible that I could become a "better" Christian and a "worse" sinner at the same time? Are these growth patterns exclusive of one another? Can I grow in sin proportionately as I grow in grace? Or am I not actually growing in sin but simply becoming more aware of a sickness that has always existed?

What is right and good has become more confusing lately. I broke the law to help a friend find housing. We cut the lock on an abandoned church and moved his stuff in. I can rationalize and suggest that it is a "bigger" sin for the church to have left the neighborhood, but I am not so sure that my intentions were so pure. Part of the fun was just having a somewhat legitimate reason to break into a building. It is quite a thrill to break into a building, acting as if you own the place while neighbors and police pass by. The sad thing is that he has other options, but he is not willing to engage in the relationships that come with those options. My church will store all of his stuff (and that is another matter - he is very attached to his stuff) but he is unwilling to deal with them. Whose fault is that? I don't know. It just breaks my heart to see that he is making certain decisions because he simply can't stand the notion of having anything to do with church people.

I am extremely sore from playing volleyball this past Saturday. I am really out of shape and I haven't played for 5 years. I have been in a great mood these last few days, and I think it has a lot to do with playing volleyball. I have this weird shoulder injury that has plagued me for several years now and therefore I don't play my favorite sport anymore. It usually starts to hurt after about 20 minutes of playing. A couple of months ago, a homeless guy in the park prayed to heal my shoulder. He had me repeat some words which were clearly not english and were probably not any language. If they were part of some "spiritual language" I have to admit that I'm not impressed with god's linguistics. Either way, I let this guy pray for me and I repeated his words, hoping that my ignorance of the situation and god's superiority would protect me from any evil influence and any judgement that might be associated with participating in that sort of thing. The guy said he believed in Jesus, but I doubt that the good folks at the nearby Center for Urban Theological Studies would sign off on his doctrine. He called the hookers and drug addicts "the horns" as in the devil. He was definitely a spiritual guy, it's just hard to know what side he was on. So I let him put his hands on me and pray for me. Imagine some faithful religious guy in ancient times meeting a young Jesus who wants to spit into mud and heal his eyes. I figured that maybe Jesus still looks kind of weird and rather unlike all of the religious figures in my life. Anyway, all I know is that I played hard volleyball for 3 hours on Saturday and, other than having really sore legs, my body is fine and my shoulder is none the worse. Am I healed? We'll see. I'm going to play again this Saturday. If I am healed, it's actually a really big deal. Volleyball was my favorite thing to do and being forced to give it up due to injury has been really frustrating.