Indiana has corn, but something is missing....

So here I am in rural Indiana where I grew up. Today I hung out with my family. I saw my new nephew, Elijah, for the first time and caught up with my "old" nephew, Noah. I wonder what Noah thinks about his uncle who lives far away and only sees him once a year or so. I wonder if all the Philly sports jerseys are enough to get him to like (okay, I'd really rather say "love" here, but come on, I have a reputation to maintain...) me. I always want to know if he's rooting for the Colts or the Eagles, because I figure that if he's rooting for the Eagles, it's kind of like he's rooting for me. It sucks to have a newphew and not be a part of his life. But these are the choices we make. I have followed God to Philly and it doesn't seem that I'll be leaving anytime soon.

This brings up another issue. The last time I was in Indiana, I had the beautiful and brilliant Katie Cheng by my side. We dated for almost two years and then broke up because, again, God has called me to Philly and she will never love or even like it there. Coming back to Indiana by myself is a real bummer. Family is cool, but she knows me in another way and she just makes things better.

So the question is, why in the world do I persist in choices that only seem to alienate me from the people I love? Is this about following Christ or is it about ego? I wish to believe that I am self-aware enough that I would recognize if it were about ego. I am filled with energy and hope when I think about the life I have in Philly, but it comes at a steep price. When I pray in the park, it is rare that I don't mention to God how much I want him to find me a wife. But at the same time, when I am in Indiana, I feel like I am missing so much and I constantly wonder to myself how people can live here. And then I wonder if maybe what I'm really missing is God. I just don't know what the answer is. But I know that no matter where I go, I am not whole.