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Monday, November 20, 2006

The Jerk- That's all I need

So here's the deal. I'm debating various options for giving up my little American dream here on 9th Street to pursue a different dream in South Africa. Wrapped up in that debate are all these questions about what to do with my house, where to get money from, how much stuff/money do I really need, do I need health care, and other concerns that come with the territory of moving from here to there.

I've got enough equity in the house here to set me up pretty nice in South Africa and get me started off on a stable footing. But I've fought hard for this house in more ways than I care to write here and to let it go would be to let a big part of me die.

There are these pesky verses in the Bible about money. Rich young ruler. Where your treasure is your heart is. And the text of today's sermon at church, 2 Cor. 8:1-15. I keep thinking about wealth and justice and how my ability to entertain these topics objectively is certainly limited by my socioeconomic resemblance to the Rich Young Ruler.

The word "divest" pops up in my thinking a lot. How interesting and even freeing would it be to divest myself of whatever assets I have and share them with new neighbors in South Africa?

Then of course there is pride. A part of me is pretty proud of myself for thinking this way, cause at the end of the day maybe I can be a better Christian than you if, even with my warts, I do something radical.

Then there is the reality that my life here feels like it's not really going anywhere. No career to speak of, no pending marriages, no clever ministry endeavors, no deep and meaningful relationships with my neighbors. Just me, the people I live with, my church, some friends, and a life of general self-absorbed comfort. Don't get me wrong, I like it. But it's not the life that the idealist in me is starving for or the life that I believe I was made for.

So that's my dilemma right now. To stay or go? If I go, how? If I stay, then what?

If I do go, the hardest part will be letting go of my house and, of course, my paddle ball game.

2 Corinthians 8:13-15

Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little."

1 comment:

juliet said...

I'll be praying for your decision (unless you already made one in the past 24 hours). how long will/would you be in south africa for?