New Blog Address

Ryan's blog can now be found HERE.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Hanging Up the Headphones

I think I am done as a DJ.

I began adding a ton of gigs to my schedule this past spring when I returned to Ayuda where my salary is literally $500 away from food stamp qualification. I make a good clip on rent every month, so that evens me out, but I'm still worried about money and, perhaps, a bit of a workaholic. So I worked my ass off from May through October (at Ayuda and as a DJ) and I have paid a pretty hefty price in terms of my physical, spiritual, and social health. I did pay a few bills and that felt nice, but it wasn't worth it.

I have realized a few things recently:

If God has me here, he won't drop me.
Debt is something I can manage.
I am very human.
The poorer I am, the richer I feel.
The less money I have, the more I give away.
I falsely link personal worth with the numbers on my pay check.
It is good to do one thing well.
I've got a pretty good life when I take the time to enjoy it.

I am really only passionate about one thing, the Kingdom of God in Hunting Park. I mean that in a pretty value neutral kind of way. Some people will think that is cool, other people will think that is weird, to me it just is. I secretly dislike people who are all worked up about the ideas of community development simply for the sake of philosophizing and such. I don't really care about that stuff unless it is grounded on actual turf. I do get excited about communities moving in synch to the heartbeat of a loving God and somehow, this particular neighborhood of Hunting Park is branded upon my identity. I didn't choose it, but it's something sacred and I need to protect it.

"Dance with the one that brung ya," they say. I've been worrying about money and digging deep into my own strength to chase some notion of security. The reality is that God put one passion into my heart and it deserves my full energy. Soren Kierkegaard says "Purity of heart is to will one thing." Dance with the One that brung ya and let Him pick up the tab.

p.s. - this does not mean that I won't do block parties and other things that contribute to what God is doing in Hunting Park!

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